In one corner, a 6’2″ human, weighing in at  200lbs, with full use of arms, legs and opposable thumbs, Ladies and Gentlemen, our defending heavyweight champion, Mr. Vinnie Lauria!

Mr. Lauria

And in the other, the contender, a well known brawler from the jungle, the 12-foot long Giant Thorny Bamboo.

The meanest plant alive

It was a drawn out battle. Mr. Lauria with full use of his senses was able to deftly bob and weave as the giant bamboo took aim at all measure of sensitive areas.  Giant bamboo was thwarted as Mr. Lauria, always on guard, managed to discover it’s position and constantly remained vigilant of Giant Thorny Bamboo’s proximity to the jungle trail.

Giant Thorny Bamboo

The fight continued for hours.  Jungle heat, limited water, difficult terrain and impaired visibility began to sap Mr. Lauria’s formidable strength.

And then he did it!  Giant Thorny Bamboo threw a haymaker to the face, taking advantage of Mr. Lauria’s extreme height and precarious positioning on the thick tree roots covering the jungle floor.

Mr. Lauria withstood the blow and came out fighting –  but his wife did not.  She was down for the count after removing the huge thorns from her husband’s eye.

A decided victory for the Giant Thorny Bamboo, taking out not just one opponent but two.


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